Toastmasters International -From Social Anxiety to Confidence

I have been shy as long as I can remember. It has been persistently by my side like an unwanted companion—ensuring that I feel fear and anxiety in every social situation. Ensuring that I feel embarrassed and ashamed for not conquering those irrational beliefs and illogical thinking patterns which are standing in the way of living a normal life.

For those of us with social anxiety (social phobia), every day is a battle often endured in silence and hidden from everyone, including friends and family. You might ask yourself, isn’t everyone shy at some point? True, but there is a difference. If you are shy, you feel reserved or uncomfortable in social situations. If you have social anxiety, you experience extreme discomfort and will go to great lengths to avoid those interactions because they can cause unsettling symptoms like heavy sweating, blushing, rapid heartbeat, and feelings that leave you paralyzed and uncomfortable.

When I was 10, I hoped that my blushing and self-hatred thoughts would go away with age. I was looking forward to being able to speak up in class or say something at the dinner table without my mind going blank. I didn’t want to worry about humiliating myself in front of my schoolmates or family members.

However, when I was 20, it was evident that nothing had changed. In fact, I was experiencing severe anxiety daily in different situations at and outside of work—when eating lunch with colleagues, when introducing myself at a meeting, when paying for my groceries with the cashier. The fear of turning red did not help either, and this could trigger the anxiety before the actual event. An easy option was avoiding the situations where I felt anxious, which only fueled the self-criticism further and was a short-term solution.

The fact that Toastmasters is a training ground without judgement gave me the confidence and reassurance that I could try new things without failure.

In my late 20s, things began to change! A few years earlier, I had started working at the pharmaceutical company, AstraZeneca in Gothenburg, Sweden. A friend and colleague took me to a meeting at the company’s Toastmasters club, the West Coastmasters Speech Club. This meeting was a turning point for me. I witnessed the warmth and supportive atmosphere of the club with new members and those who had been with Toastmasters for some time. I instantly felt this was a place I could safely rest in myself and practice speaking in front of an audience, all at my own pace.

After joining the club, what surprised me was that deep down I enjoyed speaking onstage and discovered I was actually quite good at it. I believe the reason for daring to practice in the meetings was the unconditional support to try, and try again. I was encouraged to sign up for a role at each meeting despite not having tried the role previously. I quickly learned that fellow members were more than happy to guide me through the process and offer advice.

The fact that Toastmasters is a training ground without judgement gave me the confidence and reassurance that I could try new things without failure. Thanks to further encouragement and support, I volunteered for the Vice President Membership role the following year and later became the President.

There is no miracle cure for shyness. But there is no doubt that Toastmasters works—offering a perfect opportunity to go onstage and be listened to. We don’t have to fight to be heard like we might have to at a workplace meeting where people are loudly voicing their opinion. Being onstage makes us visible, and we will be listened to regardless. I sometimes refer to my Toastmasters meetings as “therapy sessions.” Just like cognitive behavior therapy, you are exposed to your discomfort in a supportive environment gently pushing the boundaries a little further out of your comfort zone.

It has been just over 20 years since I went to my first Toastmasters meeting. I am still convinced that joining Toastmasters is by far the best investment I have made, both in my private and professional life. I have even taken it a step further by acting in my spare time. Without my Toastmasters training, I would not have dared to go onstage. Today, I have developed from an anxious speaker to a confident one, and I have Toastmasters to thank for it!